Shatter The Silence™

When I was 13 my mother  tried to leave her husband my stepfather. She was sick of the years of emotional abuse. Her divorce was set to be final but it never got that far. He broke into our home and beat her with a roofing hammer. She survived three days in a coma and the on the day her divorce would have been final she passed away.

 Up here in my part of the world it’s time once again for Take Back the Night. This is a program designed to bring attention to all those women, yes women only: sorry guys, who were harmed in some way simply because they were on their own somewhere in the night time. In this country, in this world, it’s still unsafe for a female, men too, but more females, to walk by herself in the evening. Imagine that: really think about that for a minute. You’re a woman, you decide “hey I want to go out for some fresh air. There’s a park across the street, I think I’ll just go for a little stroll and enjoy the evening.” And, that’s not considered safe…What the heck is that all about? Why do we have to be so concerned for our own safety simply because we want to be out at night. It’s not like we’re little kids and have curfews: “don’t be home late, tomorrow’s a school day” That kind of stuff ended in grade school. Seriously, think about it, you open your door, you walk out and maybe, just maybe, you will get assaulted, murdered, raped…or maybe not. What will it take for this to be something women do not have to fear? We work nights, we go to school, we have to take public transit, we go to restaurants and socialize with friends…It’s like half the population in the world is being held hostage by the other half (yes I am really generalizing here) simply because we want to go out at night. So, what can we do? Well, let’s not let fear stand in our way, for starters. Second, have a plan, have a friend, take a cell phone, don’t walk in places that seem unsafe or sketchy, trust your intuition, (it ALWAYS knows) if something feels uncomfortable…be aware of your surroundings, learn martial arts, learn self-defense tactics…Be pro-active not reactive and then TAKE BACK THE NIGHT

When my daughter was 5-years old she told my husband that a family member was molesting her.  I constantly relive that day wishing that it never happened.  I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room, sitting with her through the rape exam.  I remember her asking me to make it stop because it hurt.  The next day we spent hours with the police telling them what our daughter had told us.  Charges were filed and he was arrested.  Now not only did we know what happened, so did everyone else.  His wife who had no idea this was going on was getting phone calls saying that she was the one doing this to him.  They acted like he was not to blame everyone else was.  He was somehow innocent in their minds.  His lawyer put off the trial for months.  The day before we were actually going to go to trial he did end up pleading guilty.  When we went to the sentencing hearing we were not only going to have to face him but his entire family.  The presumptive sentence under Jessica’s law was 25 years to life.  Because he had no criminal history he was given just under 4 years.  4 years in exchange for my daughters innocence.  At 5 years old my daughter knew more about sex than I did at 13.  I constantly live with the fear that even though we did everything that we possibly could, my daughter will grow up to resent me. If I could take all of this away believe me I would. I have learned through all of this that there is unfortunately more than one victim in cases like these.  Parents are victims in different ways.  You don’t know how to hold your own child for fear that someone will think something else is going on. Your relationship with your spouse becomes strained.  I had to go on medication because I had panic attacks and depression.  I had a hard time having a romantic relationship because everything related back to that day.    

  I beg all parents, do not give your child’s private areas nick names, tell them what it is.  Always let them know who is allowed to even see down there and who is not.  And always listen to them.  If I hadn’t done these things I don’t think my daughter may have told us what was going on.  Most parents still do not file police reports on sexual abuse.  If we do not listen to our children and stand up for them then they have no one.

A woman was raped recently and our chief of police kept it quiet because he felt there was no danger to anyone. It was a stranger-rape and it was violent. How could he have made the choice to put the rest of us in harm’s way with his silence?? I bet he told his family to be careful. He told me of the rape when I went to his office to substantiate the rumors.