2013

I had been talking to a guy that had been introduced to me through a friend back in May 2013, and I thought he was perfect. We had never met in person, but I was slowly starting to like him. His hair, the way he talked to me; sweet and polite. Everything about him I liked. My heart had been broken before, but I trusted him. At first, things were good. But pretty quickly, I was getting nervous when I talked to him. He asked me if he could come pick me up and he could have sex with me. At first, I said nothing. I just changed the subject or said I was too scared. Soon, his pleads got more frequent and I knew he had a temper and I was beginning to get scared. So I said, “Sure. You may come over, but we aren’t going to have sex”. Those words exactly. So he came over and we went down to my room to watch Netflix but all of the sudden, when I sat in my bed (fully clothed) he took off his pants right there and I just acted like I didn’t notice. He got in my bed and under the covers, I was on top of the covers. He coaxed me under and this was when I started to get scared. I closed my eyes to keep from crying, but then he kissed me hard. I didn’t know what was happening, it was like I wasn’t myself. Before I could do anything, he started fingering me and I tried to pull his hand away, but he was too strong. He got on top of me so fast I didn’t know what was happening. He forced himself inside me and his tongue was so far down my throat I couldn’t make a sound. He had me to where I could not move no matter what I tried. He never asked me for sex. He never asked me once if he could do anything he did. Ever since then, I have to watch my back everywhere. I do not hug people, let them touch my hair, or touch me anywhere from behind unless I tell them they can. I still have nightmares about it and every time I see someone who even looks similar to him, I start getting uneasy. I am going to therapy for it, but it still won’t help the fact that it happened. He told me I was beautiful, he made me trust him. I was just naive enough to believe it. I had thought he really liked me, but he just used me for his own good. He took advantage of me and I cannot let that go. He was a mistake… I feel like it’s all my fault.

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