I was staying at my friends house like i had many times before. she fell asleep on the floor, while i fell asleep on the couch .. her father was sitting at the end of this couch. i woke up with him touching me on the chest..i didnt know what to do i was so scared, i was thinking to myself if i yell he may turn violent, so i sat there and prayed to god that this would end i was screaming so loud inside but no one could here me. He reached his hand lower onto my body, he got to the lining of my pants and i pretended to shift in my sleep. it worked he moved his hand back up 2 my chest but know.. his body was moving, i had no idea what he was doing. he was grabbing me harder on the chest now and then i realized he had been masturbating. Tears were pourin from my eyes, i tried not to let him see and to still pretend to be asleep. He left the house when someone called shortly after…I broke down when he left i didnt tell anyone though. not until recently. I dont dare tell my friend though.. im too scared she’ll hate me. i still dont understand why this happened to me or what i did wrong or any of the things i feel now. That night something inside me changed, its like an innocent part of me died. Any child like feelings i had left me that night. And reality struck me.
at a young age i would say about 5 ish my older brother started to molest me at the time i didnt know what he was doing but as i got older i started to understand but he told me not to tell so i didnt but at the age of ten my cousin spoke up i never knew that she had been abused to i thought i was the only one and that if i spoke up that every one would think im bad. so since she spoke up my brother had to go to counseling he stopped everything he was doing. at the age of 13 i started having thoughts of suicide and i started cutting and doing drugs such as weed and riddelin and aderal ect. my parents had no idea of what was going on in my life because i hid it so well i was always smiling and i was thought of as the goody goody one night i tried to kill myself and took 4 riddelen thinking it would do the trick but i woke up the next morning just fine. i just recently started going to a youth group and i have been saved and i do not feel the need to cut any more and i dont have thoughts of suicide although i do write about my life in poetry i have forgiven my brother and now we are very close.now because of all i have gone through i share my story with other people to help raise the awareness and i want to be a youth pastor so that i can help other young people out of situations like mine. to all of you who are to afraid to speak up TELL SOMEONE i made the mistake of waiting to long to speak up and some one else was being hurt also. you could not only save yourself but others around you.
I have never spoken about what has happened with other people only in my head.My cousins both brothers sexual assaulted me by making me do things and them doing things to me.I hate reliving these thing because i cannot even take a simple shower without feeling sick about what has happened i hate it i wish it never happend. The things they did makes me wish someone would speak up,but I read in Seventeen about this girl that had the same problem with her cousin I feel ok knowing that I am not the only person but I will always have to live this memory in my head.