We Shatter Silence story from Beaverton, OR
I wrote this poem after being raped and the follow up. I am also submitting:
I was wrapped in the peaceful tranquility of dreams.
I woke sharply to the sound of breaking glass.
My sleep drugged mind was bewildered by the sound.
Before I could clear my head and react, you were there.
Looming in the doorway dark and threatening.
I tried to choke out a scream, awash in sudden fear.
Thinking desperately of the little boy in the next room.
My eyes frantically searched the room for a weapon.
Asking myself why I never thought to keep one in the bedroom.
You lunged in my direction and I tried to dodge past.
Your arms around my waist, lifting me off of my feet.
Tossing me ruthlessly back to the bed, hitting my head on the wall.
Everything was hazy, my vision a red blur before my eyes.
Your hands groped at me, easily deflecting my struggles.
Pinned down beneath your crushing weight I began to sob.
My limbs were immobilized, my throat clogged with terror.
Desperately grasping at any defense I spit in your face.
Your retribution left my cheek torn and my mouth bleeding.
You grappled at your pants and I kicked at you blindly.
Your brutal fingers clasped about my throat choked the fight out of me.
From some unseen pocket came a thick leather cord.
I whimpered desolately, pleading with my eyes, as you wrapped it tight.
Binding my wrists the excess forming a noose about my neck.
Savagely ripping my nightgown from neck to hem.
Exposing vulnerable unmarked flesh to your brutality.
Your nails bit viciously into the skin of my breast.
Your stale, alcohol laced breath washed over me nauseatingly.
Your words hit me like drops of acid rain, flaying my soul.
Your hate became a tangible force between us.
Looming and lurking like a vengeful shadow.
I felt you free yourself and struggled anew.
The cord tying me closing off my airway with every movement of my arms.
Afraid of the unknown blackness seeping around my consciousness.
I lie still, holding awareness as my last thread to survival.
Blood trickled over my body from your blows.
My tears mixed with your sweat, leaving me weak and shaking.
My heart begged for this to end, my mind praying it was a dream.
With unrelenting cruelty your mouth crushed mine, biting my lip.
Your hand pulling fiercely on my hair forcing my head back.
The leather dug deeply into my skin lacerating the flesh it tied.
You forced me to look at you, spewing hate filled taunts.
Wanting me to see you, wanting your face to burn inside my memory.
Looking into your eyes I despaired at what I saw.
They were empty, devoid of any trace of humanity, any remorse.
I knew what was going to happen and I knew I was powerless to stop it.
I willed my soul to go someplace else, but your relentless words chained me.
I couldn’t escape the biting voice in my ear, in my mind.
You knew it, I could see it, you were aroused by my helplessness.
You wanted me weakened and at your nonexistent mercy.
Fresh tears of desolation rolled over my cheeks as you laughed evilly.
When i believed my body couldn’t possibly hurt more you proved me wrong.
The tool of your vindictive punishment plunged into my unyielding flesh.
A scream tore from my throat of such agony I didn’t recognize it as my own.
Again and again, each stroke more excruciating than the last.
I felt my body tearing under your torture, tender flesh forever marred.
I wanted to die, I begged to be taken from this hellish prison of my body.
One thought bound me to my mortal form.
Keeping me tied to a reality forever altered.
I thought of the sleeping child on the other side of the wall.
I couldn’t let you win, not completely, I would never give you that victory.
Your depraved touch told me that that was exactly what you wanted.
Absolute domination, complete defeat of every part of me.
Mind, body and soul now in your ruthless clutches.
I felt your body shudder and heave from a great distance, detached by pain.
From somewhere above me I watched you lift your weight away.
You looked at me mockingly, spewing more searing taunts.
A fistful of hair brought us nose to nose as you searched my eyes.
Searching for proof of your victory, proof of my downfall.
Seemingly satisfied you shoved me away, spitting in my face.
You casually lit a cigarette before walking back out the door.
As if you hadn’t just abused my spirit and damaged my soul.
Torn, broken, and bleeding I curled onto my side.
Trying to become as small as possible, trying to hide from the memory.
I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think, my body lay shaking.
Conscious thought escaped me as I tried to will movement into my limbs.
Frozen, still bound in your nightmare, I lay shivering and bleeding.
An eternity passed before I heard distant sirens, saw flashing lights.
They came through the door with guns at the ready.
In my terror locked mind, I tried to get away from them.
Knowing only that I hurt in unimaginable ways.
Unable to comprehend that they were there to help.
Three paramedics and a wicked dose of morphine finally did the trick.
I stared fuzzily at the ceiling as they freed my hands, and took pictures.
Numbly hearing them move around the room searching for evidence.
As I fell into drug induced stupor, your face burned behind my eyelids.
Never again would I sleep without your image. Carved irrevocably into my consciousness.
This is a follow up poem to the previously submitted Demon Night:
Demon of My Nights
Since your vicious attack on my spirit,
My mind and my soul have been hiding.
Locked in a tiny cell in the prison of your hate.
The demons guarding me have been ruthless.
Your relentless cruelty is a bruise upon my heart.
Yet as I look around me I see the walls dissolving.
Brick by brick they’re melting away before me.
The impenetrable bars are turning to ash in my hands.
Your bloodthirsty grip on my throat is lessened.
I can breathe again, life seeps into my veins.
The chains of terror that bound me are disappearing.
You’re still there, a shadow in the darkness.
Calling my name in my dreams, a dimming spectre.
You’re losing your grip upon my life.
I’m turning my back on your torment and on you.
For too long I’ve been your captive, your victim.
I am no longer begging for release.
YOU WILL LET ME GO!!!!!
Your image will haunt me no longer.
I’ll become deaf to your taunts.
You can no longer hurt me.
I’m taking back what was never yours.
All that you stole from me is once again mine.
You have no power over me.