We Shatter Silence story from Koshkonong, MO
When I was 9 years old, I was sexually abused by a boy 5 years older than me (he was 14). It was on the bus. I told him to stop, and he would not stop. He touched my breasts, and my vaginal and butt area. I was ashamed, scared, and embarrassed. I was mostly ashamed because it sometimes felt a little good. I knew nothing about sex or anthing like that. I was only 9 and I was in 3rd grade! I did not tell my parents at all. It went on for about a year and a half. I had nightmares almost every night. Dreams like me running down a never ending hall, and then he would catch me, pin me down, and rape me. I would wake up crying, but still was too ashamed and afraid to tell my parents. This went on for a year. I was terrified of the dark and began sleeping with my light on. So just in case he ever came to my house, I could see him and scream, in my 9 year old mind thats what I thought would happen. When I was in 4th grade his brother made me perform a blow job on him. Some of the older girls saw what was happening and told people. That’s when everything came out. I told my parents everything. I felt a little better getting it off my chest. My dad was someone I have never seen cry until then, and he cried his eyes out. He was so deeply hurt. I was afraid of all men. Even my own brother and dad, who I knew would never do anything like that to me and have not done anything to me. My dad went to the juvenile office and talked to some people there. They said it was my word against his, and he would probably just get off scott free. There was nothing that could be done. My dad went to the school that I was at (I no longer go there) and they told him that it was a year ago and there was nothing they could do about it. Although it happened there. My parents didn’t want to put me through that kind of pain of watching him no get into trouble for the wrong he did. I still see him and I am not over it. Every time I see him, I become that 9 year old little girl all over again. The other day I saw him in Wallmart, I froze up, grabbed my mom’s shirt, and broke down into tears. I cried from Wall Mart all the way to my grandparents’ house. Non-stop. I still have dreams about it every once in a while. Mostly just after I have seen him. I hope I will get through this all. That’s why I am going to start handing out posters and hopefully get people to help me pass them out. I hope these posters can help people understand it! If I could keep even just one girl from going through what I went through, I would be satisfied! I want people to be educated! If they have been through something like this, I want to tell them not to be ashamed, and I want them to know that they are not alone like I once thought I was! You can make it through this with the help and love of people around you.