Resources

It’s important to know that not all unhealthy relationships are abusive, but unhealthy patterns of behavior can be a warning sign for abuse. Unhealthy and abusive relationships have an uneven power dynamic where one partner holds most or all of the power. Everyone deserves to be and feel valued and respected in a relationship.

Some signs of a healthy relationship include:

• You feel safe with and comfortable talking to your partner.
• You don’t feel obligated to spend all your time with them and are okay when you are apart.
• You trust your partner and value each other’s opinions.
• You have a physical attraction and a friendship.

These are a few of many signs of a healthy relationship. Although partners may disagree, this is not a sign of an unhealthy relationship if the arguments are solved in a respectful manner where both parties feel like their voices are heard.

Here are some signs of an unhealthy relationship:

• You feel afraid to break up with your partner.
• You feel afraid to bring up certain subjects.
• You feel like you cannot share your feelings with them. They blame you for how you feel.
• You avoid hanging out with certain people so they won’t get jealous. They make you choose between them and your friends.
• You feel like you cannot talk to others about your relationship.
• They control who you talk to and make you choose between your friends and them.
• They pressure you to be sexual when you don’t want to be.
• They have an explosive temper.

Department of Justice Definition of Stalking

Stalking is a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.

Stalking can include:

1. Repeated, unwanted, intrusive, and frightening communications from the perpetrator by phone, mail, and/or email.
2. Repeatedly leaving or sending victim unwanted items, presents, or flowers.
3. Following or laying in wait for the victim at places such as home, school, work, or recreation place.
4. Making direct or indirect threats to harm the victim, the victim’s children, relatives, friends, or pets.
5. Damaging or threatening to damage the victim’s property.
6. Harassing victim through the internet.
7. Posting information or spreading rumors about the victim on the internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth.
8. Obtaining personal information about the victim by accessing public records, using internet search services, hiring private investigators, going through the victim’s garbage, following the victim, contacting victim’s friends, family work, or neighbors, etc.

After a traumatic event like sexual assault or intimate partner violence, many people make the choice to confide in confidential advocates like counseling staff at the Women’s Center or CAPS, the Women’s Center’s confidential advocate, a hotline, or a friend. This is a good way to get started without taking any official steps. These folks can also help you think about the pros and cons of making a report to the Title IX office or police, and provide emotional support if you do so. The one caveat here is that confidential resources cannot take any action on your behalf. You will need to report what you have experienced to receive accommodations or seek justice.