23 Years Old in Bronx, NY

23 Years Old in Bronx, NY | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

23 with a secret

I begin writing every time a new story inspires me but I can never find the words to tell the world what happened so many years ago.I always ask myself why am I not as strong as these other women? Why can’t I ever get the words out my mouth? Am I ashamed ? Does this define me and the choices I make? All these questions and yet I can never find the answers or seek the help that I so desperately need. I think that every girl has a story to tell, whether it’s been an unwanted kiss, touch or full blown pain of facing the truth that they’ve so long denied. Does this define who i am, well I don’t really know I just assume that it does because subconsciously it’s there taunting at me… don’t speak the truth it says, don’t tell nobody it says, no one will believe you it says. But on the outside I throb with that feeling of wanting to be wanted so does that mean that this defines me.

Does that mean that because I said no so many times over and over again as a little girl that I have grown up to want the same very thing I agonized as a child. Just touch me here, kiss me there I plea ignoring the feeling, and thoughts that once brought me pain. Don’t be so rough, but hold me down, don’t bite me to hard, but slap me up. All the things that I didn’t want but all the things that seem so natural to me.

6 year old little me never knowing when it’ll end. It started off as a game with my older step brother. “Do you know what this is” he asked as he shows me his private part. I just wanted to show him my dolls but he wouldn’t let me. I just wanted someone to play with but he wouldn’t let me. Instead he made me do everything I didn’t want to do. Made me cry for him to stop , “but you like this don’t you” “didn’t you miss me”. Shown the world of sex by the same devil that people talk about. Yes I’ve met him with my own eyes, yes he’s touched me, and held me down. He snuck in rooms while my mother wasn’t around, slept in my bed when the door was closed.

6 years old alone people asking me if I was ok. Little ole me just shrugged it off and shrugged it off until I couldn’t anymore. Save me please I would beg with my eyes but my mouth wouldn’t word. Save me mommy please although deep in my heart I felt like she knew. All I wanted was to play with my dollies,all I wanted was to be loved was I not allowed that. Here i am now 23 with a secret that people don’t understand, why didn’t I say something they ask ? I chuckle it away laugh at the pain … I just didn’t know any better. Self blame is always there but yet I choose to hide it with drinks, and humorous remarks . So has this defined the life that I live that away on vacation I have no choice but the face my demons with my two best friends. Explaining the agonizing pain, but they don’t know this is my pain because I don’t say it like that I can’t show them that, I’m too strong for that. Instead I say it like a story a big bad wolf and an innocent red riding hood except at the end I was still alive with just a part of me dead.

Soul stolen so many times each and every time, I should of said something what about every girl after me, what about every secret they’ve held on for so long. They’ve danced with the devil too, they held his hand and felt his body pressed to theirs, his breath on them and sweat drip onto their innocent skin. I’ve let them down and that’s why I’ve held onto this secret for so long this is why I don’t speak on it because it’s to late and the damage has been done. I am defined by the devil himself and have been marked with this tragedy. I was raped there it goes finally said out to the world. I was sold into the arms of the devil. No care in the world about my temple of a body, my innocence or even how this will carry on in my life forever, like a plague. Into every room I walk in, into every relationship I become one with this story, these scars will always follow me. Always doubting any man who comes to close to me, but yet seeking protection from any man I can. I couldn’t save myself or every other little girl after me but just wanted to tell you that it’s ok to share your secret people do care, and you are strong you just needed a push.

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15 Years Old in Norwalk, OH

15 Years Old in Norwalk, OH | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

I was staying at my friends house like i had many times before. she fell asleep on the floor, while i fell asleep on the couch .. her father was sitting at the end of this couch. i woke up with him touching me on the chest..i didnt know what to do i was so scared, i was thinkin to myself if i yell he may turn violent, so i sat there and prayed to god that this would end i was screaming so loud inside but no one could here me. He reached his hand lower onto my body, he got to the lining of my pants and i pretended to shift in my sleep. it worked he moved his hand back up 2 my chest but know.. his body was moving, i had no idea what he was doing. he was grabbing me harder on the chest now and then i realized he had been masturbating. Tears were pourin from my eyes, i tried not to let him see and to still pretend to be asleep. He left the house when someone called shortly after…I broke down when he left i didnt tell anyone though. not until recently. I dont dare tell my friend though.. im too scared she’ll hate me. i still dont understand why this happened to me or what i did wrong or any of the things i feel now. That night something inside me changed, its like an innocent part of me died. Any child like feelings i had left me that night. And reality struck me.

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6 Years Old in Australia

6 Years Old in Australia | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

I was sexually abused by my father for a period of 6 years while I was growing up. Now, as a grown adult, I find that I was not alone in this plight, friends and other family members are also effected. I was shocked to read that one in four women are effected by sexual abuse. I feel that this is an undercurrent in society and that it must be dealt with, rather than keeping silent about a huge issue.

Silence only continues the abuse, not dealing with it and minimising the effects cause so much sorrow and pain. Why is everyone so silent. Why? Why must this topic be so difficult to talk about – why is there shame and guilt? It is a crime, it should be treated as such.

Why are the courts so overloaded, allowing the perps to continue walking, abusing? Why must I be told to wait for justice, if I ever receive justice at all.

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34 Years Old in Gettysburg, PA

34 Years Old in Gettysburg, PA | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

From an early age, I was subjected to sexual abuse. I was victimized by a relative when I was a child, yet barely anyone believed me. None of my abusers ever had to serve any time in jail. I got into a marriage ruled by Domestic Violence. I left my husband when I was 6 months pregnant. I didn’t get involved with anyone for another several years. That was a mistake, too – he became very violent and I left him only about a month or two after we started seeing one another. It was only a few months later when I was raped. The only way I can prosecute him is if I show up HIV+. Thank God I’m negative, but I haven’t been with anyone since then. I now volunteer with Survivor’s, Inc. and am on the Board of Directors for the same organization. I am currently a college student and trying to get TBTN and DVA Nights started here. I also write poetry and wrote a song called “Take Back The Night” which I perform yearly. I have nothing to hide and only want to help other victims find their voice. There’s more to my story, but not enough space here to tell you. Bless you for having this site and for helping others!

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18 Years Old in Orlando, FL

18 Years Old in Orlando, FL | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

My stepfather sexually molested me before I knew what those words meant, especially together. He finally stopped after reading what i wrote in my journal. i’ve told few people. I don’t report him because another failed marriage would destroy my mother…

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14 Years Old in Koshkonong, MO

14 Years Old in Koshkonong, MO | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

When I was 9 years old I was sexually abused by a boy 5 years older than me (he was 14). It was on the bus. I told him to stop and he wouldnt stop, He touched my breast and My vaginal and butt area. I was ashamed, scared, and embarrassed. I was ashamed because it sometimes felt a little good. I knew nothing about sex or anthing like that. I was only 9 and in 3rd grade! I didn’t tell my parents at all. It went on for about a year and a half.I had nightmares almost everynight. Dreams like me running down a never-ending hall, then he would catch me,pin me down, and rape me. I would wake up crying, but still was to ashamed and afraid to tell my parents. This went on for a year. I was terrified of the dark and began sleeping with my light on. So just incase he ever came to my house I could see him and scream. (in my 9 year old mind thats what I thoguht) When I was in 4th grade his brother made (blow job) hand jester to me. Some of the older girls seen this happening and told. Thats when everything came out, I told my parents everything. I felt a little better getting it off my chest. My dad someone I never seen cry, cried his eyes out. He was so deeply hurt. I was afraid of all men. Even my own brother and dad, who I know would never do anything like that and havent. My dad went to the juvinile and talked to some people there. They said it was my word against his, and he would probably just get off scott free. There was nothing that could be done. My dad went to the school that I was at (I no longer go there) and they told him it was a year ago and there was nothing they could do about it. Although it happened there. My parents didn’t want to put me through that kind of pain of watching him no get into trouble for the wrong he did. I still see him. I’m not over it. Everytime I see him I become that 9 year old little girl all over again. The other day I seen him in Wallmart, I froze up, grabbed my moms shirt, and broke down into tears. I cried from Wall Mart all the way to my grandparents. Non-stop. I still have dreams every great once in a while. Mostly just after I seen him. I hope I will get through this all. Thats why Im gonna start handing out poster and hopefully get people to help me pass out things and help people understand it! If I could keep even just one girl from going through what I went through, I would be satified! I want people to be educated! Or if they have been through something like this, To tell them not to be ashamed and their not alone like I once thought myself! You can make it through this with the help and love of people around you.

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15 Years Old in Oxford, OH

15 Years Old in Oxford, OH | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

I was 14. I had a bestfriend. I loved her very much. She has 4 sisters 3 were triplets all girls, aged 10. 1 sister aged 11 and of course her aged 13. She was a year younger than me. Her family was like my family. I went to all family reunions and everything, and since I dont know my dad I was very close to her dad. But he wanted to be closer. When I would spend the night; wich was all the time every weekend, all weekend and I would usually be over there on weekdays from after-school till about nine.

At first he would look at me wierd and wink, and hold my hand and kiss me on the lips. He would always cuddle with me and be really nice. Since I had never had a real dad that I was really close to, I just figured it was normal, and I let it go. Soon he moved on to touching my butt and waking me up in the middle of the night to give me a kiss, he would rub my face.

Soon he was touching my breasts, but never in front of anyone. But he did that to all of his daughters, he would give them titty-twisters, and un hook their bra, but they really didn’t have boobs yet!

He never did that to me but one day my best friend and I were sitting on his lap, and he told her to unhook my bra, and it hooked in the front! I was wearing a tanktop so if it came undone they would fly out!! he was holding me down and she was trying to unhook my bra. I had been telling her what he was doing she told me to tell him to stop but i was scared. While she was trying to get my bra undone she noticed he was looking down my shirt and she stopped she told him she couldn’t get it! He looked diappointed. She told me to slap him and tell him to quit but I didn’t know how he would react. I didn’t know if he would think I was stupid for thinking that he was trying to make a move on me..

Soon he was sticking his pants on my butt and on my side like my thigh, trying to make his way to my vaginia. But I stoped him everytime. This was constant and very annoying. He would walk me to bed and ask me to lift my shirt or pull down my pants and I always said no. I was not sure what to do. I never told anyone. I always pretended to be sick or asleep so he would leave me alone, sometimes it worked sometime it didn’t!

One weekend we walked to a pizzaria, because he is the manager and he has the key and can get free food. And he kept asking me if he could stick his hand down my pants and i said no like a million times but he was drunk.. still it was no excuse he kept asking me why and i said because i love you and your family.. He said please!! i said no! and i remember his exact words! He said your right i am a dick, i am sorry please forgive me. I said “its fine” and he said “no its not i am a dick” and after that no more than 10 min later he said so can I. and I said no!!

About a week later my friend left for cincinnati to spend the night with her grandma, she had to go to work with her for school! and i spent the night over there anyways! the next day he woke me up and asked me to lay in bed with him and watch a movie and that was really normal! But he was asking me again if he could stick his hand in my pants and i said no! But then he was above he with one hand next to me and the other down my pants fingering me! It scared me to death, but there was footsteps comming up the stairs so he quit! I can remember the look on his face, and it haunts me! But i wrote my other friend a letter at school explaining what had happend and i didn’t have the guts to give it to her so i braught it home!

The next day i went ice skating with all of the girls and him. But when we got back I got a phone call, it was my stepdad he was comming to get me and he was mad! He had went into my room and read the letter! I had to tell my friend that i couldn’t see her anymore and why.. She told her mom and he had already cheated on he 3 times that she knew of, but they belived him! He refused to take the lie detector test. I had to get an exam and 4 sessions of councelling. I had to go to grand jury and they didn’t ever convict him because of lack of physical evidence!! and he is still walking today!

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14 Years Old in Plano, TX

14 Years Old in Plano, TX | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

my father druged me everynight in my sodas everynight and then would unclothe me while i was asleep, touch me and take photos of me.. then later on trade them online. he would tape me in the shower without me knowing, would be very “overly friendly” with me, gave me wedgies ALL the time, and tickled me to the point where i cried because it hurt.. my father is a sick man. because of his actions he’s now spending 50 stacked years in prison. i never will be able to trust my future kids alone with him.. and that just tears me up inside.

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When I was 12, I was in a relationship. One night he wanted to “have oral sex.” I wasn’t ready for that. He then left me with a scar and some bruises and took my virginity by rape.

16 Years Old in Wichita, KS | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

When I was 12, I was in a relationship. One night he wanted to “have oral sex.” I wasn’t ready for that. He then left me with a scar and some bruises and took my virginity by rape.

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13 Years Old in Athens, TN

13 Years Old in Athens, TN | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

I was 10 years old when I was raped twice by two of my best friends. Held at gun point.Three years later I was put in a hospital for other medical reasons,And then I told them what had happen to me. They told the authority. But it was to late by then. Because the night it happened the guys moved.And the people stopped looking for them, I told them where they moved to but they did not listen.But i’m NOT staying quiet NO more!!!

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