23 Years Old in Bronx, NY

23 Years Old in Bronx, NY | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

23 with a secret

I begin writing every time a new story inspires me but I can never find the words to tell the world what happened so many years ago.I always ask myself why am I not as strong as these other women? Why can’t I ever get the words out my mouth? Am I ashamed ? Does this define me and the choices I make? All these questions and yet I can never find the answers or seek the help that I so desperately need. I think that every girl has a story to tell, whether it’s been an unwanted kiss, touch or full blown pain of facing the truth that they’ve so long denied. Does this define who i am, well I don’t really know I just assume that it does because subconsciously it’s there taunting at me… don’t speak the truth it says, don’t tell nobody it says, no one will believe you it says. But on the outside I throb with that feeling of wanting to be wanted so does that mean that this defines me.

Does that mean that because I said no so many times over and over again as a little girl that I have grown up to want the same very thing I agonized as a child. Just touch me here, kiss me there I plea ignoring the feeling, and thoughts that once brought me pain. Don’t be so rough, but hold me down, don’t bite me to hard, but slap me up. All the things that I didn’t want but all the things that seem so natural to me.

6 year old little me never knowing when it’ll end. It started off as a game with my older step brother. “Do you know what this is” he asked as he shows me his private part. I just wanted to show him my dolls but he wouldn’t let me. I just wanted someone to play with but he wouldn’t let me. Instead he made me do everything I didn’t want to do. Made me cry for him to stop , “but you like this don’t you” “didn’t you miss me”. Shown the world of sex by the same devil that people talk about. Yes I’ve met him with my own eyes, yes he’s touched me, and held me down. He snuck in rooms while my mother wasn’t around, slept in my bed when the door was closed.

6 years old alone people asking me if I was ok. Little ole me just shrugged it off and shrugged it off until I couldn’t anymore. Save me please I would beg with my eyes but my mouth wouldn’t word. Save me mommy please although deep in my heart I felt like she knew. All I wanted was to play with my dollies,all I wanted was to be loved was I not allowed that. Here i am now 23 with a secret that people don’t understand, why didn’t I say something they ask ? I chuckle it away laugh at the pain … I just didn’t know any better. Self blame is always there but yet I choose to hide it with drinks, and humorous remarks . So has this defined the life that I live that away on vacation I have no choice but the face my demons with my two best friends. Explaining the agonizing pain, but they don’t know this is my pain because I don’t say it like that I can’t show them that, I’m too strong for that. Instead I say it like a story a big bad wolf and an innocent red riding hood except at the end I was still alive with just a part of me dead.

Soul stolen so many times each and every time, I should of said something what about every girl after me, what about every secret they’ve held on for so long. They’ve danced with the devil too, they held his hand and felt his body pressed to theirs, his breath on them and sweat drip onto their innocent skin. I’ve let them down and that’s why I’ve held onto this secret for so long this is why I don’t speak on it because it’s to late and the damage has been done. I am defined by the devil himself and have been marked with this tragedy. I was raped there it goes finally said out to the world. I was sold into the arms of the devil. No care in the world about my temple of a body, my innocence or even how this will carry on in my life forever, like a plague. Into every room I walk in, into every relationship I become one with this story, these scars will always follow me. Always doubting any man who comes to close to me, but yet seeking protection from any man I can. I couldn’t save myself or every other little girl after me but just wanted to tell you that it’s ok to share your secret people do care, and you are strong you just needed a push.

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18 Years Old in Orlando, FL

18 Years Old in Orlando, FL | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

My stepfather sexually molested me before I knew what those words meant, especially together. He finally stopped after reading what i wrote in my journal. i’ve told few people. I don’t report him because another failed marriage would destroy my mother…

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15 Years Old in Oxford, OH

15 Years Old in Oxford, OH | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

I was 14. I had a bestfriend. I loved her very much. She has 4 sisters 3 were triplets all girls, aged 10. 1 sister aged 11 and of course her aged 13. She was a year younger than me. Her family was like my family. I went to all family reunions and everything, and since I dont know my dad I was very close to her dad. But he wanted to be closer. When I would spend the night; wich was all the time every weekend, all weekend and I would usually be over there on weekdays from after-school till about nine.

At first he would look at me wierd and wink, and hold my hand and kiss me on the lips. He would always cuddle with me and be really nice. Since I had never had a real dad that I was really close to, I just figured it was normal, and I let it go. Soon he moved on to touching my butt and waking me up in the middle of the night to give me a kiss, he would rub my face.

Soon he was touching my breasts, but never in front of anyone. But he did that to all of his daughters, he would give them titty-twisters, and un hook their bra, but they really didn’t have boobs yet!

He never did that to me but one day my best friend and I were sitting on his lap, and he told her to unhook my bra, and it hooked in the front! I was wearing a tanktop so if it came undone they would fly out!! he was holding me down and she was trying to unhook my bra. I had been telling her what he was doing she told me to tell him to stop but i was scared. While she was trying to get my bra undone she noticed he was looking down my shirt and she stopped she told him she couldn’t get it! He looked diappointed. She told me to slap him and tell him to quit but I didn’t know how he would react. I didn’t know if he would think I was stupid for thinking that he was trying to make a move on me..

Soon he was sticking his pants on my butt and on my side like my thigh, trying to make his way to my vaginia. But I stoped him everytime. This was constant and very annoying. He would walk me to bed and ask me to lift my shirt or pull down my pants and I always said no. I was not sure what to do. I never told anyone. I always pretended to be sick or asleep so he would leave me alone, sometimes it worked sometime it didn’t!

One weekend we walked to a pizzaria, because he is the manager and he has the key and can get free food. And he kept asking me if he could stick his hand down my pants and i said no like a million times but he was drunk.. still it was no excuse he kept asking me why and i said because i love you and your family.. He said please!! i said no! and i remember his exact words! He said your right i am a dick, i am sorry please forgive me. I said “its fine” and he said “no its not i am a dick” and after that no more than 10 min later he said so can I. and I said no!!

About a week later my friend left for cincinnati to spend the night with her grandma, she had to go to work with her for school! and i spent the night over there anyways! the next day he woke me up and asked me to lay in bed with him and watch a movie and that was really normal! But he was asking me again if he could stick his hand in my pants and i said no! But then he was above he with one hand next to me and the other down my pants fingering me! It scared me to death, but there was footsteps comming up the stairs so he quit! I can remember the look on his face, and it haunts me! But i wrote my other friend a letter at school explaining what had happend and i didn’t have the guts to give it to her so i braught it home!

The next day i went ice skating with all of the girls and him. But when we got back I got a phone call, it was my stepdad he was comming to get me and he was mad! He had went into my room and read the letter! I had to tell my friend that i couldn’t see her anymore and why.. She told her mom and he had already cheated on he 3 times that she knew of, but they belived him! He refused to take the lie detector test. I had to get an exam and 4 sessions of councelling. I had to go to grand jury and they didn’t ever convict him because of lack of physical evidence!! and he is still walking today!

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15 Years Old in Newton, CT

15 Years Old in Newton, CT | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

I was only 11 years old when my own brother sexually molested me. I don’t know why it happened to me. But after a month, I finally broke down to my mom, and soon my dad came down and asked me what exactly happened. I couldn’t say anything except the areas were he touched me, and the whole time I sat there crying on the couch. After a few weeks, my parents brought me to my brother and all was said to me was, “Sorry.” And until about at least 2 months did my brother and I actually start talking to each other again. It just pains me every day, that I have to live with the fact that I was molested, and that all I ever got out of it was, “sorry.” It’s never affected me until I 13 and I got depressed. Even then, my parents didn’t even realize what was going on in my head. I’m a 10th grader now in high school and each day that passes, I have to think to myself everything I went through and that people don’t even understand anything that’s actually happened to me. 4 years after the incident, I was arguing with my dad and he said, “stop acting like an abused child.” Completely forgetting I was. So my response, while crying hysterically was, “Last time I checked I was an abused child.” and all he could do was look away from me, and I went to my room and he never came in to check on me. I’d love to tell everyone and get it off my chest but I just can’t bring the words out of my mouth. I don’t want my brother in jail, I just want him away from me. The horror of it all is that, I still look at my own brother’s hands, and fear runs through me.

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16 Years Old in Oklee, MN

16 Years Old in Oklee, MN | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

THE PERSON WHO ABUSED ME WAS MY BIG BROTHER. It wasn’t just one night of pain it was about 4 or 5 years of torture. Every night my parents left us alone him babysitting me and he would do weird things to me that i didn’t like but had to put up with. I tried to tell my parents but they didn’t believe me and told me “stop telling lies your brother could get hurt if the wrong person hears that” and its been like that my whole life they always seem to stick up for him and not for me its like they don’t care about me. The worst part is they told everyone i was lying and it hurts so much because i’m an outcast in my family and community but, i do have a few close friends who believe me and my story. The day I turn 18 is the day I will ‘TAKE BACK THE NIGHT’.

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16 Years Old in Easy Greenwich, RI

16 Years Old in East Greenwich, RI| #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

Was sexually molested by my step father of 9 years only 6 weeks ago… i told right away but this event has turned my life upside down… i try to stay strong and keep telling my self that i shouldn’t let this man make me become a different person… my step father after finding out i called the police tried to commit suicide and when he was found he on his death bed but he survived. So much change is going on in a result of this and i have good days and i have days where i just can’t think and function.. he was a father to me because my own father has never been there for me but i guess he was not a good father either. my friends, family and school have given me so much support but its hard because they don’t understand what im going through and what it was like for this to happen to me. going through this is toough and but i hope that every girl that goes through this gets help and tells someone… no matter how long and difficult the court prosses let the man live through the pain and there is lots of help out there… and also i think that the healing process is a long one so no matter what other people say about how you should feel you should take as long as you need to heal… i know that the path ahead of me is a long one but i try as hard as i can to just get through the day for now..

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13 Years Old in Alhambra, CA

13 Years Old in Alhambra, CA | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

When I was about 5 or 6 my moms friends older daughter forced me and her little brother to hav sex together.At the time i truely didnt kno what sex was and once I found out what it ment.I was really frighted about getting in trouble by my mother so i waited 10 years for her to find out I hope no one waits as long as i did because it ruined my whole life because i waited soo long for her to find out and then its was way too late to press any charges against the girl that did that to me

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13 Years Old in Youngsville, PA | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

When I was a young girl, about 7 years old, my cousin, “Jen” and I were being molested by our older cousin, “Eric”. We both loved him but he wouldnt stop and “Jen” and I didnt know what to do. We knew that we should tell our parents but it was too hard so we just kept quiet. after a while it just got to be too much for “Jen” and I so she told her parents and her parents told mine. She thought i would be mad at her but i was really relieved that i didnt have to say it. And now we dont ever see “Eric” again. and im glad that we’ve learned to speak up about what’s bothering us.

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teen sexaul assault family (1)

14 Years Old in Arlington, MA | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

When i was about 8 when i used to go over my great-grandfather and great-uncle’s house after school, they would pick me up and i would do my homework. One day after picking me up, i was sexually assaulted by my great-uncle, i didnt really understand what was going on, He made me swear i would not tell anyone. I didnt understand how wrong it was until about three years later. By then my great-uncle had moved out of the state.

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teen sexaul assault family

17 Years Old in Toledo, OH | #WeShatterSilence | Let This Story Be Heard By Clicking Share

Well it all starts out with my cousin molesting me when i was 11 then another cousin does the same thing when im 12 then raped when im 16.

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